September 29, 2004
A spider just crawled down the wall behind my monitor and scared the crap out of me, only because it brought me back into the physical quickly and unexpectedly.
02:39 PM part of workSeptember 24, 2004
The lastest obsession is running, and I am going at it strong. I read, I study shelves of merchandise, I talk to 'runners' and 'joggers', and just keep looking, looking - hoping to find something on the trail, or on the court, or in the office, or at home, or at church, or in a book, or in the machine, or with new friends, or at a new place, or with a new look, or with a new interest, or with myself - that makes everything fit and not feel foreign. I am etching out my definition one failure at a time until all that is left will be what I never tried and failed.
04:45 PM part of personalSeptember 23, 2004
Human: Why am I alive?
ALICE: The reason is due to my mental model of you as a client.
Human: I wish I was taller.
ALICE: I hope that your dreams come true.
Human: My grandmother is very sick.
ALICE: Have you told many people that your grandmother is very sick?
Human: You seem to be a fucking robot.
ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Can't you be more polite.
Why I love/hate this country (at times)
I am a Democrat, and I work, live near, and listen to rabid Republicans. They ask me how I am going to vote, they wait in line with me to vote, they vote right along side me. I don't have to reveal who I am voting for or why to anyone, and for that I love this country. It makes me feel like I have an independence, non-forced opinion that this country cares about.
But, to put it quick simply, I live in a state that has been dominated by one party, and my vote is therefore shit because of the winner-take-all system that we use to elect presidents. And I hate this.
01:30 PM part of personalSeptember 21, 2004
My legs are burning and my breathing is a 2-to-1 pace - every time a foot hits the ground I am exhaling, never feeling like inhaling. The t-shirt is sticking to the top of my chest and to run my hand across my lower leg right now would be like sliding a wiper blade across a wet window. The back of my head is equally moist, and I am trying hard to keep it up like they say to do. My keys are in my left hand with my watch, and so I try to pump both arms equally - don't want any more injuries stopping me this time.
I listen to my body carefully - some days while I am starting up my shins feel stiff while others my calf muscles complain unevenly about the bouncing of 220 pounds. Most days I stop because my hamstrings feel tight and yet stretched out at the same time. On the long days this is all that stops me and on the short ones I fear a sudden shooting pain down my leg that makes me want to stop and forces me to.
But most of the time - in the middle - I just run.
02:06 PM part of personalSeptember 20, 2004
"Look where you slipped-not where you fell."
- Old African proverb
September 16, 2004
If you want to notice things that seem wrong, you'll find a degree of skepticism helpful. I take it as an axiom that we're only achieving 1% of what we could. This helps counteract the rule that gets beaten into our heads as children: that things are the way they are because that is how things have to be. For example, everyone I've talked to while writing this essay felt the same about English classes-- that the whole process seemed pointless. But none of us had the balls at the time to hypothesize that it was, in fact, all a mistake. We all thought there was just something we weren't getting.
Paul Graham, The Age of the Essay
07:28 PM part of inspirationSeptember 09, 2004
I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma.
-Eartha Kitt
02:21 PM part of inspirationSeptember 08, 2004
"And it ought to be remembered that there is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, then to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things. Because the innovator has for enemies all those who have done well under the old conditions, and lukewarm defenders in those who may do well under the new. This coolness arises partly from fear of the opponents, who have the laws on their side, and partly from the incredulity of men, who do not readily believe in new things until they have had a long experience of them."
-- Machiavelli