June 20, 2007
My Goals for this week
A) Identify why you lost your mojo
B) Get your mojo back
Progress on A)
1. Someone at work is undermining, annoying, negative, and has got hooks in you when they shouldn't be allowed to. They point out all the problems that you are already aware of, have prioritized, have thought about and worried about and sweated over late into the dark hours, and complain about lack of progress without taking ownership and really closing anything down. Disease.
2. Just like when your parents told you that the Gameboy was ok if you paid for it yourself and you made As and Bs in the sixth grade (looking back, good hard line 'rents) you started making your first Cs for some reason and it took you 12 weeks to get the stupid thing just so that you could play Double Dragon until the right 20% of the screen starting shows these weird lines so you couldn't see the bad guys coming - you are choked at the thought of *having* to work, being the sole provider and unable to change jobs because this one is, after all, pretty sweet.
3. You have to work this weekend - your anniversary and when you were supposed to see your family. Also, you were going to exercise to keep it up after the greatest athletic weekend of your life last week and the rising feeling of losing weight easily and better sleep is slowly dying.
4. You were right to force a decision on yourself after the family got started, but fear that you lost something important when you chose what you chose and feel typecast and unable to grow in your position. Still basically undecided on this, but so far it feels like an alley and not a freeway. Teaching others does help you learn, but not the same stuff over and over - you need growth and you need to feel stretched.
5. Lack of overall progress feeling suffocating - like all you have time to do is make plans and prioritize important work that you aren't doing and that your team isn't doing either.
B)
- Read ftrain.com for one hour *at work*, (checking on critical things and fixing them of course - that is what the second monitor is for after all)
- Prepare some sort of list of action items that makes me feel better about this weekend
- Clean up "the list" or at least count it and see what is up
- Suck it up you piece of shit