April 27, 2005
HOWTO: Go to sleep while using the bathroom at work
* Work on an outside project for two - three weeks.
* Only work on it outside of normal business when your wife is asleep, thus averaging 4 hours of sleep a night even on the weekend for three weeks.
* Stay up on the last night of the project until 2, go to bed at 3, and then wake up at six.
* Go into the bathroom, sit down, and place your palms into your cheekbones. Wake up with a start 20 minutes later when someone flushes.
* Cleanup and walk back out.
* If you are asked where you were, provide one of these lovely responses:
o Hazmat research
o Taking a walk (add a limp for realism)
o Processing a burrito genius, want the details?
o Dreaming of you.
* When you get back to your desk promise yourself not to work this schedule again.