August 05, 2003

How to run a successful software project 1

1. Make a list of all of the stuff you have to do.
2. Make estimates of how long you think it will take you to do these things.
3. Add up these numbers and compare them to the amount of time that you have before the deadline.
4. Figure out that there is not enough time to do them all and rush out to hire more people.
5. Spend weeks training the new people so that they are ready to contribute right around the week of the deadline.
6. Stall - the economy is bad and the client has not exactly been helpful, what with all the constant phone calls and questions.
7. Push back the deadline in the same way that you push back agressive perverts on the subway.
8. Blame other members of your team and attempt to destroy their careers (or, at the very least, eat the snacks that they like from the kitchen)
9. Finally deliver the product months late.
10. Watch the client tear apart your product. Give them a kleenex when they begin to sop at how poorly done the end result is after all of this waiting.
11. Begin a list of things that you forgot to include - design oversights, bugs, etc.
12. Repeat.

How to run a successful software project 2

1. Build a time machine.
2. Travel back in time to when you had some sense.
3. Start the project over with realistic expectations.

August 5, 2003 02:09 PM