May 19, 2003

Cubicle Protocol

I clearly violated the cubicle protocol today by having a conversation over my cubicle wall at the wrong time. The cubicle protocol is simple, and is implicity known by most cube-dwellers. Its basic idea is: Let's all pretend that we have offices.

1. Do not talk about things overheard from cubicles near you. Sure, you may heard every word of your neighbor's fight with his wife on his cellphone, and you may know about his daughter's play by listening over the wall, but do not discuss these things. The entire purpose of this rule is to pretend as if a roofless, wall-less, doorless little box can provide excellent soundproofing.

2. Do not talk over your cubicle wall very much. Instead, get up and go over to your buddy and talk face to face after knocking on their door before speaking. This gives everyone the idea that they have minimal privacy when in fact they live most of their sad little lives in a sound-attracting box that prevents them from doing any real work.

3. Never, ever use your speakerphone to check your voicemail. And if you forget, do not complain when feces in thrown over the cubicle wall in your general direction.

4. Do not entertain guests outside your cubicle. Despite the fact that the walls are very low, allowing easy lean-access, you should not allow your stupid friends to describe their weekend in two-hour monologues. Do this shit in the break room, or hide under your desk while your friend's monologue is cut short by a sudden barrage of feces.

May 19, 2003 10:37 PM