February 11, 2003

Aptitude

I put down the Borges collection to go watch American Idol.

After it is over I take an aptitude test but find that I can't answer any of the questions. Am I artistic or technical - do I prefer working with people, setting goals, working alone, being creative. Do I like blue or red? Am I independent, do I like being left alone, am I sociable? Do I like working? Am I an immature little shit? These don't seem like fair questions to me. Do I like aptitude tests? Would I enjoy giving career advice to lost souls? Am I judgemental? Not as much as you are. Do I like to solve problems? If I were to have a guaranteed 50K a year for the rest of my life in a job that I sort of hated (didn't love), would I take it? How do I deal with the knowledge that if I were attacked by monkeys I would yell at them to stop but if I were attacked by birds I wouldn't? Do I enjoy long walks on the beach and slow dancing in the rain? Am I determined, how much stick-to-it-ness do I have? Am I aware that the aptitude test takes 4 hours?

Do I enjoy IQ tests? Am I aware of the fact that this IQ test (that you have just finished taking in just under an hour) is graded in large part based on the time it took you, an idiot who does not read directions, to finish? Are you aware that the average time it takes to finish the test is 12 minutes? Are you aware that your personality type is chameleon? Are you haunted by the life not lived in the first person? Well, are you? Then come to beautiful Jamaica and fell alright.

February 11, 2003 08:45 PM