Snow day

Started snowing today, and my daughter is almost one so she can a) see b) point c) smile. There were days when we thought she wouldn't a) arrive b) sleep c) live past her first few days. She was napping when it all happened, so B woke her up to show her. I tried to get home fast and drove by only one family out in the yard being unabashed. The other house with people outside was my house, and both were bundled up and looking lovely, perfect, painful, comforting. There are times that I am simply struck - knocked around, punched out - by the fact that I have a family - beautiful, colorful, interesting, priceless - my family but not mine at all.

Snow is amazing, I think of mana from heaven each time I see it, but have somehow gotten used to the rain.

04:47 PM part of personal

I can't do it. I can't heal her, or make the hives go away or make her ears stop hurting or make her fever go down - I can't. I couldn't take the tubes out in the NICU or stop them from drawing her blood from her tiny little foot and I couldn't stop her crying. I couldn't create her, form her, start her growing. It is all on your borrowed strength.

I ask you now for focus, for purpose, for planning and guidance in leadership. I can't do this alone, but I know that I'm not.

04:32 PM part of prayer